Arctic Monkeys Settle for Less; Beautiful Liar Holds On

While the week started off hot with many predicting a full 18 songs charting by the Arctic Monkey, Beyoncé and Shakira head the pack with ‘Beautiful Liar’ for a second week. The monkey’s great new single proper ‘Brainstorm’ slips all the way to number 7 possibly because all their new tracks became available for download as singles according to the new rules.

They do, however, have the distinction of the only act with three new tracks on the chart including ‘Brainstorm’ as well as Fluorescent Adolescent (60) and 505 (74).

Up one notch each are last week’s 3 and 4, Timbaland featuring Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake with ‘Give it to me’ and Avril Lavigne with ‘Girlfriend’.

NeYo edges up to 4 with ‘Because of you’ while Mark Ronson Ft D Merriweather hold steady at 5 with ‘Stop me’. Apparently, their song was self-predicting.

Mika lands a second straight top tenner with ‘Love Today’ jumping all the way up from 18 to 6. This move proves he is no one hit wonder. To confirm the power of this greatest new discovery, former number one ‘Grace Kelly’ clings to the number 25 position while ‘Lollipop’ returns to the top 75 at number 73.

Gym Class Heroes has one of the highest movers this week with ‘Cupid's Chokehold’ up 24 – 8. Natasha Bedingfield slips 2 with ‘I wanna have your babies’ while Travis returns to the top ten with ‘Closer’. I never would have predicted a 26-notch jump for Travis since the song is mediocre at best, but then I did predict a number one for the Arctic Monkeys.

Two great debuts clock into the top forty this week. Dame Shirley Bassey makes a dramatic return to the top forty at number 38. Last heard on the Propellerheads fantastic track 'History Repeating' in 1999, Shirley makes yet another comeback.

More or less known as the dame that sings the Bond tunes, this song is neither a celebrated collaboration nor a soundtrack song. It's unclear really why the woman with the unmistakeable voice chose to come back now, unless it was to celebrate 50 years in the biz, but for this week at least she brings her special touch of class to the chart.

'The living Tree' is a slow burner that winds up to a belting chorus as Bassey begs to 'dance till her shoes cry" she howls for freedom and redemption over a tightly performed string arrangement. A beautiful Bond song this would make, in the meantime it’s the 27th chart single for this powerhouse who first hit the charts all the way back in 1957.

My second favourite debut comes from everyone's favourite drama queen. Amy Winehouse, caps off the list of impressive debuts this week that includes new tracks from The Manic Street Preachers (26) and Amerie (28) as well as the returns of Groove Armanda (32) and Lostprophets (34).

At 40 Amy strolls back into the charts with the title track to her international smash album 'Back to Black'. A song of tortured endearment, Amy comes to terms with the death of her relationship. "You go back to her and I go back to black". Truly tragic, truly magnificent. Someone pour this girl a glass of wine – she needs it more than anyone.

Beyoncé and Shakira Sit Pretty at Number One

This week the all-star pairing of Beyoncé and Shakira takes over the top spot. It was a prediction that anyone could have easily made. The only surprise was that it took several weeks for 'Beautiful
Liar' to reach the summit. In all honesty, it should be a great single. Unfortunately, the best parts of this whole collaboration are the rain soaked bum shakes in the video and the Freemasons remix that all but shakes the girls out of the song.

Right behind the girls and ready to claw into the top next week, The Arctic Monkeys jump 11-2 with their brand new single ‘Brainstorm’. Ironically the band that became so big on hearsay and the internet last year had to hold out for a physical release of their new single before cracking the top ten. This song should be around for at least a few more weeks as parent album "Favourite Worst Nightmare" sees the light of day this week.

Dropping from 1-3, the all star collaboration between Timbaland, Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake loosens the grip its had at the top for the last two weeks. While an awesome groove accompanies the track, ‘Give it to me’ remains little more than Nelly giving the kiss off to all those who called her a sell out, Justin giving the kiss off to all those who said sexy never left and Timbaland giving the kiss off to everyone else while reminding us all of how good he is.

Just below fellow Canadian Nelly Furtado, Avril Lavigne drops one with ‘Girlfriend’ leaving her number –one-less again this week despite strong sales.

At number 4, Mark Ronson Ft D Merriweather drop with ‘Stop Me’ a perfect summer sing-along dance track containing a smashing sample of 'You keep me hanging on’ – More the Kim Wilde version that The Supremes original.

Natasha Beddingfield lands another straight top tenner with her less than coy new single
’I wanna have your babies’ jumping 15-7. Very different from her last, more introspective hit 'Unwritten’, her new track is a fun ditty with a silly read-my-mind chorus and a funny
flute sound that just makes you feel happy. I’d love to hate this song given the inane title but it somehow works and has grown on me.

One spot below Natasha, Enemy pounce on the top ten with their track ‘Away From Here’ leaping 52-8.

Behind these hot movers, Peter Kay, Matt Lucas and the Proclaimers drop to number 9 while Gwen Stephanie loses her grip on the top five and falls four spots to number 10. If there is a God this song will nosedive faster than Gwen’s navel ring and we’ll be rid of it forever.

The highest of many debuts this week jets in at number 16. Ash haven't been in the charts for ions and would have loved to return to the top ten their first time out but as the title suggests 'You Can't Have It
All'.

Mika's 'Love Today continues to rocket up the chart 32-18 while former number one 'Grace Kelly' Hangs on at 22.

Former boy band Busted member, Matt Willis, rocks in at 31 with 'Crash' a brilliant remake of the The Primitives track from the 1995 soundtrack to Dumb and Dumber. Completely faithful to the original, Willis cashes in on his appearance on the British reality television show 'I'm a celebrity - get me out of here' and makes a comeback. But the brilliance of this song makes his paint by numbers cover a welcome return to the top 40. I only hope it doesn't burn up the lower regions before slipping into musical abyss.

At 32 Just Jack returns with 'Glory Days'. He must have last January in mind when he actually had a good single on the charts.

The lower reigns of the chart seem oddly late nineties. Ocean Colour Scene flow in at 34 with 'I Told You So' an odd piece of 60s throwback mixed with electric guitars - or in other words it sounds just like every other one of Ocean Colour Scene's 17 top forty hits.

The boys from Oasis once declared Black Rebel Motorcycle Club the best new band in the world. They were wrong of course and the 'Club soon fell off the radar after a few minor tracks that cracked the top 40, the titles of which I can't even remember or bother to look up. This week they motor in at 35 with 'Weapon of Choice' - my choice is flick the mute button on my stereo.

Travis returns to the top 40 at number 36 with 'Closer'. It’s been well over two years since Travis has had a hit. Unfortunately, this track does nothing to propel them into the midst of modern music, sounding oddly like a cast off from 'The Man Who" circa 1999.

Dancing in at 39 is a great new track from Meck Ft Dino. 'Feels Like Home' feels like a great clubber for the summer with its thumping sample from Felix's 'Don't You Want Me’. I hope that this track
makes the top regions of the top 40 home for a while but then I also hope some warm weather comes soon. But like spring in Canada, anything can happen on the UK Charts.

UK Chart snoozes in spring

The once obscenely volatile UK charts keep calm this week. The Proclaimers, Peter Kay and Matt Lucas lock on to the top spot for a second week with ‘I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)’.

Just below them Avril Lavigne, moves ‘Girlfriend’ into the runner up spot. With no signs of the number one track slowing down, Avril may just have to wait patiently for a few weeks before taking over the top.

However, since momentum will have slowed by then, ‘Girlfriend’ could remain a number 2 victim.

Gwen Stefani moves back up a notch with the worst song of her career, or ‘The Great Escape’ while Sugababes vs Girls Aloud plummet 2-14 with ‘Walk this way’. One more week ought to do it before their ship has completely sunk.

Just outside the top ten, ‘Last night a DJ saved my life’ by Seamus Haji Ft Kayjay rockets 38 to 13 while Kings Of Leon make an equally dramatic upward move 50-18 with “On Call’. Expect to see them in the top ten next week.

Former Spice Girl, Melanie C, returns with a blah version of ‘I want candy’ at 24. This song could have been named I want money since it sounds so ridiculous and half hearted that the ploy to cash in before she gets too old, comes screaming through every bar of the track.

Faithless dance back into the chart at number 38 with ‘Music Matters’ Ft Cass Fox while Mika jumps in ten doors down with ‘Love Today’.

Still clinging strong to the top ten with ‘Grace Kelly’, Mika's unofficial follow up ‘Lollipop’ climbs to 68 making him the artist with the most songs inside the top 75.

Of note this week, Snow Patrol remain in the top 40 with ‘Chasing Cars’ while follow ups “Set the fire to the third bar’ and ‘Eyes open” have completely disappeared from the rankings. This song may just have another summer run before it drives away.

Some golden oldies re-appear as towards the bottom of the barrel. Cat Stevens plants firmly at 52 with ‘Wild World’ while Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ takes off at 62. And to a lesser degree, Justin Timberlake brings ‘Sexyback’ to 72.

The Proclaimers, Avril Lavigne make chart history

As predicted, The Proclaimers, Peter Kay and Matt Lucas whip into the top spot on the UK chart with their remake of their 1988 hit ‘I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)’. While it’s hard to knock a number one track – this one gets mighty old after several listens. After the initial humour wears off, you’re left with a longing for the original.

That said, the track sold 120, 000 copies this week and claims the title of biggest selling track so far this year. Better still, on its tail, the original moves up 11 notches to number 26 this week. With that move, The Proclaimers make chart history as one of only a handful of groups with two versions of their same song in the top 30.

Sugababes vs Girls Aloud must therefore settle for a lone week at the top of the heap with their version of ‘Walk this way’. There is justice after all, it seems, as the girls bounce Gwen Stefani from the runner up position with “The Great Escape”, which slides to number four.

Another history making record rockets in at number three. Canadian rocker-wife, Avril Lavigne, claims top debut this week with ‘Girlfriend’. Her track originally debuted on the survey several weeks back at number 73 in the week of March 7, and then mysteriously disappeared.

iTunes suppressed the track and its physical release was pushed back ultimately giving the track a low peak outside the top 40. But with the re-release of the digital track, the song becomes eligible to chart once more making this song the highest re-entry on the survey in history.

Call it marketing, call it what you like – the song, (essentially sk8ter girlfriend,) jumps into the top three poised to take over the top spot next week.

‘Destination Calabria’ by Alex Gaudino featuring Crystal Waters swims up from 18 to five while Maximo Park zooms in at number nine with ‘Our velocity’ to round out the biggest movers inside the top ten.

Otherwise, the chart sees little action. With no less than ten debuts outside the top 40, things should heat up next week.

Comic Relief laughs at the top of UK Chart

This week marked comic relief in the UK. In that spirit both the official and the unofficial songs claim the top spots of the chart.

Sugababes vs Girls Aloud plough into the chart at number one with their Aerosmith remake “Walk this way”. Considering the girl bands, that have had a slew of number one between them, recorded the track as a charity single, one can excuse them for it being such a stinker. The girls’ version has none of the urgency of the original or the brilliant Run DMC remake from the late 80’s. But all’s not lost, in a few weeks this song will be but a distant, albeit an unfortunate, memory.

Speaking of stinkers, Gwen Stefani continues to clog up the top two with her “The Sweet Escape”. This song sounds like cardboard scratching styrofoam– the vocal is forgettable, the screaming, unbearable and unless you read the label, the guest spot completely obsolete – a completely useless piece of pop plastic. On a higher note, it is better than the previous three minutes of nonsense of her previous hit.

Clambering in at number three, The Proclaimers remake their hit from 1988 with assistance from comedians Peter Kay and Matt Lucas to re-chart with ‘I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)’. This marks the second of two comic relief singles in the chart this week. Better yet, the original jumps in at number 37.

The single hasn’t been re-released in the original format and its top 40 debut may be due to an error as thousands of Britons downloaded the wrong song thinking it was the comic relief version. That said however, ‘500 miles has been hovering in the lower ranks of the Top 100 on downloads alone since the new chart rules began earlier this year. It’s this week’s top three redeeming feature, even if the comic sketch stitched into the song rings a little inane.

Calvin Harris jumps seven notches to round off the top ten at ten with ‘Acceptable in the 80’s’.

At 18, Alex Gaudino lands his first hit with ‘Destination Calabria’. The track features vocals by none other than Crystal Waters of ‘Gypsy Woman’ fame. Who knows what disco she’s been dancing at since she last surfaced in the early nineties with 100% Pure Love, but she sounds as good as ever. Maybe Crystal has what it takes to bring real dance music back at the top of the chart.

Now may be time to make your escape, Gwen!

Take That Shine on, Robbie needs a polish

This week’s top three remains unchanged except that Gwen Stefani and the Kaiser Chiefs have rotated positions at two and three respectively. That means Take That rack up a second week at number one with “Shine”.

Justin Timberlake leaps into the 4th spot with “What comes Around”. Should he land a number one with this one he’ll be six for six on the UK Chart with his string of solo singles that started back in 2003 with “Like I love you”.

My favourite DJ du jour Fedde Le Grande lands another top ten with “The Creeps” featuring Camille Jones. If there is any justice this freaky crawler will repeat the success of “Put your hands up for Detroit” (at number at number 71 this week) and top the chart.



Rounding out the top ten at number ten, Nelly Furtado climbs one notch with “Say it right”.

Robbie Williams debuts this week at number 16 with “She’s Madonna”. The song credits the Pet Shop Boys, adding yet another top twenty to their already extensive list. While the Boy’s album of last year “Fundamental”, one of their strongest in a long time, failed to produce a sizable hit, here they are backing another English phenomenon.

Robbie celebrated the release of this single with his own release from rehab but even his newsworthy status could not keep this gem from achieving a higher debut. His latest album, chalk full of interesting singles and remakes, ranks way up there as one of his best (minus the horrid title track where this former boy band singer attempts rapping – Hey Robbie, leave that to white guys who know better – like Britney’s ex). Unfortunately, Rudebox has been ill-received and this single suffers from the fallout. Shame really as it blows away his old band mates number one “Shine” by a mile.

While we’re on the topic of blow-out albums and The Pet Shop Boys, The Killers slip to number 21 with their latest effort “Read my mind”. As a whole, parent album “Sam’s Town” falls flat of the energy and style that made debut album “Hot Fuss” such a treat. I thought their career was over with the terrible second single “Bones” but they’ve redeemed themselves with this stand out track. “Read my mind” sounds fresh, contemplative and new when separated from the noose of the album.

And what was the connection to the Pet Shop Boys? Not only do The Killers credit them as one of their influences (I would have guessed Duran Duran – but what do I know) but the singe includes a Boys reworking, stripping a little guitar for a few fancy synths and of course Neil Tennant’s backing vocals. One of the best singles of the year and one that may be around for a few months to come if the chart gods are paying attention!

At 28 Joss Stone peeks in with her latest single “Tell me ‘bout it”. Tired of having people tell her what to do, she’s dumped former boxed package and has set out on her own. Based on her schizoid two minutes as a presenter on the Brit awards, I’m not sure Joss Stone knows who she is now that no one is telling her who she is and what to do.

Speaking of the Brits, show openers Scissor Sisters still can’t shake off the curse of their dynamite single “I don’t feel like dancing”. Two singles later and “She’s my man” barely limps into the top 30 at 29.

At number 74, The Arcade Fire enter the chart with their first single from their smashing new album Neon Bible. Unfortunately, “Keep the car running” has had a hard first chart week. With any hope next week they’ll drive up the chart to a position more in line with the greatness of this Montreal band.

Take That on top once more

The only thing predicable about the UK charts is their unpredictability. A few weeks back it seemed the lights had gone out on Take That’s second single from their comeback album. But this week said single “Shine” jumps from ten to land at the top of the heap.

This latest number one marks their tenth number one out of their last eleven to do so. Take That’s former number one from last December sits comfortably at 14, one step up from last week.

“Ruby” slips to number two for the Kaiser Chiefs while Gwen Stefani climbs to number 3 with “The great Escape”.

Debuting inside the top ten at number 8, just below the brilliant “Standing in the way of control” by Gossip, Cascada arrive with their third top tenner. “Truly Madly Deeply” sits at 48 while Everytime we touch climbs 71-65 in its two millionth week on the chart.

That Cascada’s latest track should be titled “Miracle” seems slightly ironic considering it is nothing short of a miracle that this German 80’s revival euro cheese group has managed to chart with more than one track. While not a horrible song, “Miracle” doesn’t rewrite history exactly and remains slightly less than “Everytime we touch” but less memorable.

At 16, Camille Jones teams up with Fedde Le Grande on “The Creeps” a funky bass driven dance track complete with bleeps and pumps in all the right places. Jones whispers-stutters-sings about going down to the creeps, a place she and she alone knows but it sure sounds like she likes to get her groove on there. Anyone checking out this track will be wise to follow.

Two ladies make their comebacks this week in the very bottom of the chart. Avril Lavigne drops in at 73 with “Girlfriend” (the English version – no less than six language versions exist) while two spots below Tracey Thorn of Everything But The Girl fame charts with “It’s all True”. Thorn’s new track comes from her second solo album, the follow up to her first project, all the way back in 1982.